I realize that to people who don't follow the teachings of Jesus, this all sounds totally bananas. So just know this up front: God is good. Especially in suffering.
We found out today that we miscarried again. The circumstances around this one could have not been more bizarre and weird. We had a visit with our Midwife this afternoon, and I was just absolutely in shock. I cried a lot, but I can not begin to describe the peace God has given, that truly passes all earthly understanding.
We have a plan going forward, and we believe so firmly that God did not give us the desire to be parents, to then abandon us. He has a plan for us. For me, for Dan, and for our future children. This plan was designed to give us the most life. (I told you this was going to sound cray-cray.) I believe this with all of my heart.. Sometimes things aren't about the outcome, but about the journey. This journey, thus far, has been filled with blessing, goodness, and so much love, despite the pain and heartache.
I realize people go through this every single day. And that getting pregnant seems to fall into place for some, and for others--it's a real struggle. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair, and well...downright frustrating. There is an infinite amount of comfort in His sovereignty. He has handcrafted this path just for us, that we might know Him more through this, and we are SO. DEEPLY. HOPEFUL. in His hands. And I know this truth awaits to embrace anyone experiencing heartache of any kind.
Things like this really show you what your made of. In Matthew, Jesus says, "From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." It's so trying to see what's really inside of you. I am 100% not all pretty and lovely and perfect in dealing with a crisis, but this so reaffirms my faith and what I know to be true. I am blessed to have such a supportive family and group of friends around me. They have offered to bring food, do our laundry (yes, seriously!), offer encouragement and words of wisdom, or just a holy-word can't express-silence. Silence can be so beautiful.
Today happens to also be our 2nd wedding anniversary. :) This makes me smile big. I have the most awesome husband in the whole universe. He is my best friend, and he is my favorite. Our story is my favorite---God is so funny! And gracious. Although, we were hoping for better news today, there's no where else I would have rather been, than digging in and working through something together, with Dan. Things like this really have the potential for you to speak truth and love to one another, and makes space for deep intimacy. I am so in love with my man!
In closing, I'll leave you with this awesome pic, Jana took of us. I think I posted it on Facebook, but it's hilarious. I dare you to look at it and not think about what kind of awesome babies we will have someday!